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Befriend Anew: Being Social after a Friend has Fallen

  • By lemaster
  • 27 Oct, 2016

When Friendship becomes a Loss, Friendship Metamorphose

When you are coming of age and your grandfather passes away its almost expected. As you get older and you become the elder something they don’t tell you is that your friends unexpectedly start to pass. The pain and grieving may take a toll on you and the idea of picking up again and putting yourself out there seem just unbearable.

The Kübler-Ross model illustrates that there are 5 different stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I know when I was grieving the death of my grandmother it felt like at times I was experiencing all of them at once. The complexity of our lives cannot be understated and the solutions can feel like as elusive as the condition itself. Face the reality and do your best to brush yourself off and move forward; do your best to carry the burden of loss and honor their memory through positive outlets.

         It takes time, more for some than others but I’m here to tell you that the best thing you can do is get out there. So here is my proposal, start off doing some volunteer work, you don’t have to make an effort at making friends just yet. You get an opportunity to get out, you get some interaction with others, and you get a great feeling that you did something productive and beneficial for the community. Later, when you think you can handle it, start or join a support group for others struggling with a loss.

Next start a hobby or pick up an old one to keep your mind active, occupied, and off the pain. Better yet channel your emotions into something positive by making a quilt in honor of your friends life with their old clothes. Start a golf tournament in honor of your fallen friend that raises money for their favorite charity. Have a potluck of all of their favorite foods and share stories of them from the days gone by.

Feeling a bit more adventurous? You can do it and there are so many great ways to meet people and engage with others. Admit it or not you have needs and a desire to connect with others. When you have a network of support to draw from, when there is a time of need, the burden is light. You don’t have to have a ton of friends just a handful of good ones or even just one great one. Here are a few of examples of ways you can engage with people while doing the things you love.

      • Seminars/Workshops/Classes
      • Groups of Interest or Passion – Political, Hobby, Trade Associations, Military, exercise, golf, dance, gardening, or other clubs.
      • Dating
      • Pets
      • Travel
      • Join a gym/yoga studio/spa resort
      • Country club
      • Church (fellowship)
      • Outings to the farmers’ market, dinner, or movie date with a friend
      • Family – grandchildren
      • Potlucks or dinner parties
      • Holiday parties or Reunions
      • Board games/card games/bridge or other games

 Have at least one person who cares and listens, it is a positive outlet to express your emotions, it may or may not solve the problem but will help a little bit and get it off your chest. Part of making and keeping friends is reciprocation. Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you from engaging with others. Just let it develop without expectation and see what happens. Appreciate every friendly interaction however brief or long and good it was, perhaps it was just a short film in your life or other friendships, an epic trilogy. Honor them by doing and living a good life.

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

There is no place like home when settled and in a routine, everything in it’s right place and well established in the community. After years in one town, you have done everything that can be done in and around your house and in the community and yet you still have a yearning. Perhaps your group of friends, for whatever reason, aren’t around anymore. It is never too late to embark on one last journey after all the rest of the family is off doing their thing….why not you?

Don’t let a loss keep you from keepin’ on, carry their best traits on to another friend, read,   Befriend Anew: Being Social after a Friend has Fallen ”————->>>>>

It seems like things changed overnight in your neighborhood when you moved into your house you lived in the country, now suddenly the area developed and you practically live in the city. Maybe you live in the city and it just isn’t the laid back place you moved into originally. All of the events you use to go to are no more and all of the new events are geared toward a younger age group. You don’t even feel safe taking that morning walk anymore.

Take a good look at your community and read,  

How Does your Neighborhood Rank for Mobility Safety? ”———>>>

This scenario is more and more common and you are not alone, change is the constant in a developing world. Well there are many options available to offer you that which you have been longing for: private duty, age restricted (adult) communities, assisted living communities, continuing care retirement communities, and of course nursing homes. Depending on your health care needs there is just about any accommodation that you might desire. Some 1.6 million Americans live in Nursing homes or Assisted Living facilities.

Naturally there are pros and cons to any situation and you may not have a choice if you are dealing with a diagnosis that severely restricts your mobility. That exception aside, let us assume a variety of options within a scale of Independence.

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016
I remember when I was young watching a documentary about chimpanzees by Dr Jane Goodall where a young chimp died from grief. It was depressing and it made me wonder if there was a link between depression and grief, when one member of a couple passes the other soon follows. For a long time mental illness was hard to describe, diagnose, let alone cure. How does one treat something that is so intangible and unpredictable?
By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016
When you are coming of age and your grandfather passes away its almost expected. As you get older and you become the elder something they don’t tell you is that your friends unexpectedly start to pass. The pain and grieving may take a toll on you and the idea of picking up again and putting yourself out there seem just unbearable.
By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

here are many factors involved in maximizing your mobility and ensuring your environment is accessible. Sometimes all that is needed is to clean up some clutter around the house or adding more lighting to a hallway. There are hundreds of solutions and funding options available to you to make your environment safe and easy to use.

Not sure where to start? Check out NAHB ’s site to get some ideas or reach out to a healthcare or building professional; If they can’t help you they will be able to direct you to someone who can. Be sure to vet contractors and interview them with someone you trust to be there as your advocate.

  Here are 7 simple tips on keeping your environment safe:

  • Check Walkways. Paths, stairs, doorways, ramps, entryways, and steps. The integrity of the surfaces may be compromised by cracks, water rot, holes, standing water, or even motor or cooking oil spills. Check daily and keep them clear and clean of spills, ropes, hoses, tacks, toys, broken glass, nails, plant overgrowth, or other obstacles that could trip you up.
  • Slippery & Uneven .Add anti-slip tape to steps, inclines, and ramps to give added traction and safety. There are even textured paint products  to apply to walking surfaces to make them non-skid if you appreciate a more finished look. Check with a local, licensed, and insured contractor for help with building and keeping ramps and stairs well maintained.
By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

It may not seem necessary to practice balance building exercises when you are younger and have no reason to worry. Don’t let that lack of foresight end up with hindsight reflections years later in the hospital. Let prevention be your new mantra. The danger of a potentially fatal fall is real and action should be taken into consideration. Why? Injuries from a fall is one of the leading causes of fatality for older Americans. Still not convinced? How about saying goodbye to your life savings?! Medical costs related to falls is in the hundreds of millions and by one estimate 1.2 billion dollars .

Aside from the average person being inactive there are a number of balance disorders that could be causing a loss of ability. Such conditions as positional vertigo, Labyrinthitis, Ménière’s disease, Vestibular neuronitis, Perilymph fistula, and Mal de Debarquement syndrome. Treatments can range from a simple exercise to very complex therapies administered by a professional.

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

Technology has become such an integral part of our lives, making tasks easier and for some, making what most of us take for granted like walking, a reality. In an ideal world we wouldn’t need help and when we did family, friends, and doctors would be there to help. Sometimes that support network isn’t always available to be there for us in the ways with which we need.

There are any number of complications that could arise to limit your mobility and diminish your quality of life. A simple accident such as a fall can be devastating for the older populations; with long recovery times and the potential atrophy of muscles, incontinence, and the like.

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

Your ability to navigate the city has as much to do with its infrastructure as does your skill at traversing it. That in combination with the level of public accessibility can have a major impact on your quality of life. There is a lot involved in planning a city properly for people of all backgrounds and circumstances to be able to access it easily.

What is the primary way with which you get around? Car? Bus? By foot? The ease and safety of how you get from point A to point B and back has a psychological effect on your being; as you age those options become more limited depending on your circumstance. Maintaining the Activities of Daily Living may include a certain level of mobility for you to feel engaged and enriched. Whether it means being social at your weekly gatherings at the country club or just getting good fresh ingredients for the evening’s dinner.

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

Generally I do not begin a blog with a disclaimer but we want you to take this advice with serious consideration and great caution. You can be injured, fatally so, if you do not follow the advice of a professional who knows the specific state and ability of your body. The following is provided for information purposes only, following these techniques does not imply proper form or ability. You have unique physical and mental needs that should be addressed by your doctor and personal trainer before starting any exercise regimen.

So you have made a resolution to start following a solid exercise plan this year (or the doctor has mandated it) and you’re determined to stay on track. The doctor has been telling you for years to exercise and there is ample research to back up the benefits of exercise for seniors . Sometimes the hardest part is having the discipline to stick with it or even knowing what exercise to do in the first place. There is a lot of information out there and everyone has some advice to give (or a plan/membership to sell) not to mention the rules are different for older adults . The CDC recommends at least 2 hours and 30 minutes of exercise per week, that is a little over 20 minutes a day. So let’s get going!

By lemaster 27 Oct, 2016

There are a lot of options available to you if the Activities of Daily Living become a little more challenging than they use to be. It may be more difficult to get your Dad to admit that he isn’t as capable as he use to be than it would be to install a couple of grab bars. Understandably we all want to maintain our independence, after all, we spend the first eighteen years of our life trying to be an adult (at least most of us TRY to).

If you have looked into moving into a long term care facility (nursing home) and it is not an option for you, then it may be time to make some modifications to your house so that it is more accessible for your changing needs. If you have a second floor or the bathroom is a bit too small or maybe the cabinets are too high for you to reach anymore, look into some remodeling. You or your loved one may be on the verge of being considered disabled if not currently diagnosed with a condition that warrants a change. It is important thing to consider because accidents and falls are one of the leading causes of decline and death in the elderly.

The National Association of Homebuilders (NAHB) maintains a long list of suggested renovation projects that might make life a little easier. Whatever your changing needs may be there is a solution that any good Certified Aging in Place Specialist (CAPS) contractor can help with. Lets take a look at your options from DIY to hiring a professional and the costs associated with some of the most common accessibility renovations.

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